Musings from the Summer!

Sunsets and sunrises have always been one of the easiest things to use for meditation.

August 9th, 2018

Time has gone by so fast and yet in the middle of the breast cancer battle it seemed like the longest year of my life.  I was diagnosed in April of 2017 after my mammogram came back abnormal in March.  I had known in my heart that things weren't going to be good when Ronnie found the lump earlier in the year.  It wasn't very large but I have to admit that everything felt lumpy.  I'm sure having fibrocystic breast disease wasn't a help either.  Anyway, I had the biopsy done in April and I can recall that doctor's appointment word for word.  My poor Daddy just happened to go with me to this appointment.  When Dr. Cummins walked in, she just said "It's bad."  I had a sinking feeling that once again, we were on the cancer journey.  We had already discussed the fact that I didn't want to play around and only do one breast.  It was an automatic double masectomy.  Surgery was scheduled for May 5th.  I only knew one thing was screaming in my head - you're going to miss another major event in your children's lives.  Josh was going to graduate from Mississippi State that night. I cried because of the breast surgery and grieved the fact that I was supposed to be there.  I did get to watch the video online.  Ronnie, Julia and Maegan went to graduation to be there.  Ronnie had stayed with me as long as he could before needing to leave to go to Starkville.  Julia and Maegan met him there.  Then it seemed as if the whirlwind started and didn't stop after that.  My entire family was there from the moment we found out cancer was back until this very minute.  There were also people who were there for me that I was a little surprised about.  There were also people that weren't around period.  I know now the reasons behind a few that were terrified of me dying.  The others that never called, sent a text or anything, well they don't have a place in my life.  I heard a saying that you will be severely disappointed if you think others will treat you the way you would treat them.  It's true! 

  Well, it finally started slowing down in April of this year.  I was discharged from Baptist Hospital the day after Easter and finally came back home to Isola.  From the time that I entered the hospital for the double masectomy in May of 2017 until April of 2018, I was away from home.  Ronnie was the one who supported me going to Aunt Donna's right after surgery.  JoBeth was going to share her room with me until I could get going again.  It took its toll on her and I felt it was time to go to Mama and Daddy's after that. Ronnie took me for treatments and we stayed several weekends in Jackson or at home.  But the day in and day out, I was in Greenville with the family.   I never dreamed that I would be away for so long.  I still feel scattered and I've been back home since April.  I guess because I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and something else to happen.

  Before February of 2018, I struggled with taking care of myself. I had to have a debridement surgery in June of 2017.  The wounds had become infected and tissue was dying.  The wound on my left breast area went down to the chest wall.  The after effects of the surgery was so horrifying to me.  The scars were ugly and the surgeon even said as much.  She said I was well endowed before the surgery.  So, to me that meant that what I was left with was just that.  Extra tissue in places that didn't need it.  The risk of infection from any procedure is so high that I may as well accept it.  We did the wound vac for awhile with a home health company that shall not be named.  That works into a whole different realm of mess.  The surgeon decided that I would do debridement every two weeks.  We went to Yazoo City and do wet to dry dressings in between that.  Mama did my dressings when Sunflower Home Health wasn't there and was on her game with me. I would recommend Sunflower Home Health to anyone for anybody.  They have the best nurses and make sure you have everything you need.   Mama did her best to make sure I got lots of protein to promote healing and cooked whatever I wanted.  I just didn't have much of an appetite after the chemo and then we started doing the Herceptin infusions. At that time, I was having so much trouble breathing normally.  There were so many nights when I would wake up to see Mama checking on my breathing. What we didn't know was the aortic valve in my heart was mush.  During the treatments or we think possibly from the first surgery, my breathing had been affected.  Although I have pulmonary fibrosis and have had congestive heart failure, nothing was working to ease my breathing.  I couldn't talk without having to stop and take breaths.  I wore my oxygen constantly. Talk about being a walking hot mess!  It was my new middle name.  Sometimes, I felt like I could add "Walking Disaster" to that also.  So back to the chest area, my wounds were still not healed.  The doctors had agreed that going back in wasn't an option to close.  They would have to grow skin back from the inside out.  Mama and Daddy did everything they could do to help me.  I was so hardheaded though about trying to do things my way.  Well, my way ended me up in Baptist Hospital on February 9th.  

Next posting will detail more from February 9th to April 3rd hospital stay.

Until then, I wish you blessings from our Lord and Savior!

Susan 

Greetings from Isola, MS!

I can't believe that I haven't updated this since 2010.  Lord, have mercy!!  From then to now, there's been so many changes in all our lives. 

 I've gained a granddaughter, was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis(2014)  and Breast Cancer (2017).  I had to have the aortic valve replaced last year in February.  I was real close to not being here on earth any longer at the same time.  I'll try to update everything as soon as possible. 

Four reasons I keep trying to live each day as a new day and celebrate each one.  Ronnie's Uncle Parnell and Aunt Alice have been another set of parents for each of us.  They were there when Ronnie and I needed a retreat from the St. Jude life.  I'm sure there were many weekends that they would have rathered not have company but never said a word.  We've enjoyed the fact that they are closer to us by living back home.  Maegan has another set of grandparents to love her like they've loved us.  Life is good!

My Daddy and Mama, Pete and Faye Riddell.  The two reasons I am alive today and they attempt to keep me straight.  Not an easy job and I'm very sure I contributed to the gray hair.  I could talk all day about how my Mama and Daddy have been my rock.  They have been that way not only to me but really anyone they came in contact with.  There were many people who came to stay the night and ended up there for  weeks at a time.  That is the kind of godly parents I have.

My middle "child" and my oldest "child".. It seems impossible to believe that they are both adults and have their own lives.  Julia is a very wonderful Mama to my fist granddaughter, Maegan.  Maegan is four years old and is in pre-K now.  We are so proud of Julia.  She's a strong woman and has a good support system behind her.  We're blessed with Maegan's dad and grandmother, who are fantastic to know and love. Josh is attending Mississippi State and will graduate in May with a degree in Industrial Engineering.  He has an internship with a company outside of Starkville.  We're so excited to see him growing and prospering into the man he is. 

And for our youngest daughter, Jenna.  She's pictured with her longtime love, Luke.  We are super happy that they love each other the way they do.  Not pictured is Lola, our granddog.  She's a year old Lab and super fiesty.  Jenna has grown into a woman who knows what she wants and works super hard to get it.  She's still her usual beautiful self!  We love Luke so very much.  He is also a very motivated young man.  I'm so very proud to have him in my daughter's life. 

Another picture of Maegan with Uncle Josh and Macey.  We couldn't be happier that these two found each other when they did.  Well, God put them together.  I firmly believe that.  Macey was accepted to Physical Therapist Assistant Program at Holmes Community College and begins the program in January.  We're so excited for her!  She's super sweet and loves my son like I do.

Can you tell someone has my heart?

Wednesday, September 21,2016

Things have certainly not changed much after reading my last post.  I'm still just as crazy as ever.  My health issues have certainly intensified to say the least.  I'm not working anymore.  I haven't since November of 2014.  I'll go more into that later.  Well, I guess I'm typed out for now.  This will be all for now, folks!

Peace, love and in His service,
Susan

Musings from an afflicted ADD/OCD/CRS woman

January 20, 2014

It doesn't seem like it should be the middle of January already.  I'm thankful to see another year of life and so very thankful just to have another day if God sees fit.  So many are dealing with the loss of a loved one and/or watching a loved one battle a disease that shows no mercy.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.  I love the saying that I don't have to know what's going on - I just have to lift your name up to our Father because He already knows.  There's going to be one in every crowd to say "What's going on?"... LOL.. If we can't laugh at things especially now then we'd all be crying. 

Ok, I know ya'll are wondering what I meant by the title to my post.  If you're not, then go look again at the title to the post.  I told ya'll I am afflicted!  Haha.. Anyway, I started going through our spare room and I use that term very loosely.  In other words, it's the room that gets all the junk thrown in when I do that flight of the bumblebee dance.  You know the one.. Throw everything in one room and warn people not to open the door. I'm thinking of adding a sign to the door leading into this room.  Enter at your own risk - Consent form releasing me from all personal injury, damage to your well-being,etc. shall be signed before attempting to step one toe in the doorway. 

 Well, as I was contemplating what to do today, I just boldly asked Ronnie, "Ok, where should I start?" He knows I bounce from here to there so he suggested the "spare" room.  He also probably saw  my pained expression because I really didn't want to do that.  But, since I asked for his input, I figured I might as well make a go of it. Here's where the ADD/OCD/CRS starts taking a hold of me...
I need a supervisor when I am attempting a project.  Someone to say.. 1)  Get boxes to place items in to keep, 2) Make good use of the extra large trash bags and 3) Do not leave the room unless absolutely necessary (bathroom /rest break) included.  I say this because I can leave the room to take an item to the other room and get distracted by something else pretty quickly.  Prime example of this happened yesterday morning while Maegan was here.  Being the sweet MeMe I am, I proceeded to make her some mini muffins for her breakfast snack.  After I  placed them in the oven (and setting the timer), dear sweet Josh followed Maegan in the bathroom to see what she was up to.  Either she said bath or he asked if she wanted a bath because he says, MeMe, she wants a bath  AND muffins just placed in the stove were out of my head that quickly.  As I was finishing up with blowdrying her hair, Ronnie said, "Did you forget something?" So that leaves me with a total blank look to which he said one word, MUFFINS... He said I had a minute left on timer and they were burnt to a crisp.  So badly burned that the mini muffin pan is no longer with us. It departed by way of garbage today.

I am afflicted with ADD (hard to complete many projects without getting distracted), OCD (in that when I do have my act together - I do repetitive things to make sure I have my act together) and CRS (re: blank stare when asked a question - either thinking did I do it or just thought about doing it but due to ADD it wasn't done. LOL>..

 Anyway, you have to smile or laugh at yourselves sometimes.  Life is too short to not live each day like it might be your last.  This seems like a good time to renew my promise to myself.. One day at a time. If you can't focus on a day, then break it down however you need to.  Just making it hour by hour or minute by minute.  We're all so busy but sometimes the busyness of this world leads us to believe that we don't have time to write a note, call a friend, email, text or message them if they cross your mind. 
A few minutes of your time spent writing a note to say hi, sending a card to a friend, or just picking up your phone to call and say I'm here if you need me. What you give of yourself will be returned to you tenfold.

Thanks for letting me air these thoughts.. You were warned that I'm afflicted ahead of time. LOL!!!
Peace, love and blessings to you and yours,
Susan

Seasons in life

 Ronnie and I celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary this year.  Talking about time flying by.  I love this man as much as I did when I married him as I do today.  This photo was taken Thanksgiving at Mama and Daddy's.

It seems as though time is either going faster or I am just realizing how precious time really is.  It seems like only a few days ago we were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first grandchild.  Now, we're headed for her 2nd birthday in March.  We've been constantly blessed with time spent with her.  I can say that I although she is growing up way too fast, we've enjoyed watching her little personality develop.  Julia and Eric have done a fantastic job as parents with this little angel.  I couldn't ask for more as a partner for Julia.  To have someone who is not only your love but a best friend as well makes all the difference in the world.  So this blog post is dedicated to our sweet grandbaby, Maegan and her wonderful parents, Julia and Eric.
Who wouldn't want this precious little angel to be your own personal angel?

Peace and love to all!  May your Christmas season be filled with the wonder and joy that comes from Christ Jesus!

Ready for Spring!

This weather only hints at my second favorite time of year.  I'm so ready to get out in the yard and start working in the dirt.

  Winter always depresses me and I'm thankful for the sunshine of today.  With the drab grays and dreariness of the cold weather, spring is always welcomed by me.

 Unfortunately, this year will also bring us closer to my youngest graduating from Humphreys Academy.  She is becoming a young woman before my eyes.  Whether I'm ready or not, she's going to be branching out on her own or testing the waters so to speak.  I can only pray that we've given her the values that it will take to tackle life head-on. 
I'm going to try to be more faithful to my posting and update ya'll on this crazy life of ours.
Love and peace to all...
Susan

Happy New Year to everyone!

You know when I was younger and I heard someone say that time had flown by too quickly, I thought they were insane.  When you're younger, it seems as though time stands still in some moments. I have reached that "older" stage where I look around and think.. It was just the beginning of a new year not too long ago.  Where has time gone?

I'm happy to say that I've picked back up on my morning text message devotion that I was sending out.  You know how Satan works and he didn't have to do much to discourage me when I was sending them out before.  One or two snide comments and I was doubting myself about the text message.  Well, I started sending them back out and am happy to say the response has been great.  Some things just need to be taken with baby steps and it all works out.  So far so good for now.

Only two New Year's resolutions have been made so far.. 1) Get better organized with my life.. All of it.. Not just work but home life as well.  I am the Queen of Procrastinating things so this should be interesting.. 2) start back with my Weight Watchers.. another area I've been neglecting is ME! 

My relationship with the Lord will not be a resolution though.  This is something that will not be broken or forgotten about within a short amount of time.  I took the step away when He waited for me to return back to Him.  Thank you God for second chances.  There's just something about trying to fill that hole in your heart and soul with other things when God is the only thing that fits.  After awhile, it's just apparent what fits.  God fits in my life perfectly.  I pray for forgiveness where I've failed Him on a daily basis.  The thing is that I don't have to keep bringing up what I did yesterday or the day before.  Once forgiven always forgiven.

Headed to Cleveland to spend New Years with family and friends this evening.  Nothing like the company of wonderful friends and family to know how blessed I am.
Peace and love to you all... and Happy New Year.. 2011 will be a great year I pray~..